Just a thought...
A BOOK OF UNCOMMON PRAYER
BY
MICHAEL WILLSON
-------------------------------------------------
DEDICATION
To You who listens in my heart,
to All that aspires in my soul,
to everything contained in my light and dreams
let my prayers always be
uncommon
to all but me.
---------------------------------------------
WHO AM I?
I am a house on fire with fever
waiting
for the breath of the Ultimate
to blow out the flame
I am out wandering in the woods
trying to get lost
hoping to be found by Eternal Peace.
I am a tear drop descending
into the Ocean
of Existence.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
When the thunder comes,
as it always will,
let me hear laughter.
When the wind blows
as it must
let it speak to me unceasingly.
When the rain falls,
as it should,
let me open my heart
to wash away all fear.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
With my mind open may I embrace the Mystery that
transcends
the limits of gender,
free
from the confines of personality,
beyond
the power of my imagination.
With joyous endeavor and patience, may this be the size of my humanity.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
THIS DAY I PRAY
To the sun:
let me give as freely of my warmth as you
To the moon:
may I embrace all in silence and peace,
To the stars:
help me impart joy and blessings
To my heart:
like you treat my life blood,
enable me to act with compassion
to all I meet.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
LIFE/DEATH
I pass through nature's womb
suckle at nature's breast
nourished on beauty and sorrow,
joy and pain
One day,
born into eternity,
let my body make good soil.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
THROUGHOUT THE DAY
As my fingers darken
with newsprint's ink
let me find hope.
In idle chatter
and rumors
let me seek truth.
In words with strangers
let me speak kindly
With each breath
let me give thanks.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Forsaking disasters
May my thoughts stray
in unguarded moments
to love and kindness
not dwelling on the flickering of
dismal possibilities
but glimpsing
moments of awe and wonder
May I forsake the ugly
to embrace beauty.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
FROM TIME TO TIME
I will
Stop
look into the pocket of my soul
Listen
to the ticking of my heart
and know
the time.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
A RECIPE FOR LIFE
May I
Simmer my wounds in love
Baste my actions with kindness
Devour each day as if it were my last.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
MORNING
As the sun and I rise from night’s womb
I pray:
let me develop an awareness
that I am here to serve others
that the greatest blessing I can give
is the knowledge that love
is the highest wisdom
the greatest gift
to give or receive.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
WHEN DEATH COMES
Let me go
like a slip across a slick floor
to tumble quickly into
one last moment of creation.
Let me go
with eyes wide open
and curious as hell
an exclamation mark
on my horizon
as I run towards it.
Let me go
into death
as though it were not coming for me.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
I will dream without ceasing
Spend my days in this world
searching and seeking
for a way to wake up.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
From time to time
May I be lost
forced to still my fears and desires
to see just
where I am.
May I be lost, to be found
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
MINDFUL
I will let me attention. so often lost wandering, be drawn to
the silence between the words
between the noise
between the notes.
I will cultivate the silence
in my conversation
in my house
in my mind and heart
I will pay homage to Silence.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
You whose hand tugs at my dreams
tickles at my confusion
whispers beneath my distractions
Let me heed Your passage through my dreams
laugh in the midst of my confusion
listen to You when I am distracted.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This despair which seeps out of me,
spreading over the landscape
soaking into the ground of my days
permeating those around me
does not see the clouds drifting through a sky
painfully blue
nor affect the flight of birds
or sway the growth of flowers in the wind.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Let me seek questions
not answers
Let me find mystery
where today I find none
Let me be surprised
befuddled
amazed.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
AN OATH
When I am safe and secure
in my opinions
doubt be my teacher.
When I reach a safe shore
let me go back
for others.
When I find a safe place
let me leave the door open
wide.
When I laugh
I will share it
When you cry
I will soothe it.
When I am secure and sure
I will risk it
Doubt be my teacher,
uncertainty be my pride
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I will not leave one person behind
to be a life implied
between the lines of my life
I will find dignity and worth
in the life of others
equal to or greater
than my own.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
AN UNCOMMON PRAYER FOR AN UNCOMMON SENSE
There is a voice I will not speak with
a vision I will not see with
a touch
a smell
a taste
not mine, all not mine yet mine...
A sense that my common sense denies
though I sense it
within my eyes
my ears
the odors of my life
the layers of my trembling skin
I will speak sense beyond common sense
release the vision
a quake throughout my flesh
caress the rapture in silence
hear the rapture of that small voice
still insisting it will not be still
I will use my uncommon sense.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
With the force of my will I would hold the leaves
gone to sharp reds and stiff yellows
on the branches
I would spread tears of sunlight across
a painfully blue morning sky
I would
if I could
let the leaves do what they should in autumn
let the sky be as it will
turn the corner of the season
and let voices adrift find my ear
let dreams find my sleep
let my will lie down inside my body
and become the rhythm of my breath
with the force of my will
I would relinquish my will
to Yours.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
There
across expanse of sky
where day folds into night
There
where my heart caresses the hour
and listens for a sound reverberating
back from the future
a point where all ends, to begin again
movement
between, aside, not quite,
as life begets death
There
I want to be There.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The visions of the sublime
the rituals of smoke and mirror
awards and gifts and
hurrahs abundant
It's not the bells and whistles of my life,
it's the silence that gives it meaning.
The time spent giving when there is
no receiving except silence
the words of praise and power for another
with silence in return
my heart that flows outward with each
pushing of it's muscle
and asks for nothing in return
knowing that
it's not the bells and whistles of my life
it's the silence
that gives it meaning.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
With each breath
let me give thanks
for each breath
with each tear
let me cry
for other's tears
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
VALENTINE TO A VITAL ORGAN
I feel you beating for me day and night,
pushing my blood in a way I cannot imagine
I feel you beating in my ears as the sublime rushes through
I witness to your action in each breath and itch and notion that is me
you who do so much, cannot do it all
cannot act like a valentine's card and extend love
and not work at love
cannot summon up the courage to risk all
the risks that love implies
you, my heart
must do your work
my work is to love.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
HARVEST
I take stock of the crop the past year has given me
go into the counting house of my soul
I wander through the grains,
some soiled, some the delight of mold spores,
others dry and ready for the harvest of my blessing
for it is I who bless myself.
I give to myself the blessing of my life
by acknowledging my life
I give to myself the blessing of my life's mishaps,
pains, and difficulties by finding in each tear
and cry and moan a lesson to be learned
and then learning it well.
I bless my life by watching the sun set
instead of keeping it away from my soul
by smiling thank-you to myself
when I notice how others smile at me
by letting go of that grudge squirming around
beneath my dreams
by letting loving-kindness walk steadily through my actions
into my world.
Today I bless myself
by accepting life’s blessings
that flow to me, and through me.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
WARRIOR
Slay the grand notion
preconception
divisions
Undermine convictions
predilections
beliefs and fond wishes
Clean the slate of mind of
visions
voices
devotions
And when I have no idea, no purpose, no desire
I will find You and my weary head will rest peacefully in your lap.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The convolutions of heart and mind
collision of tectonic plates and continents
as intents and convictions collide
The upheaval of the spirit
May I remember pain and tears and uncertainty
lead only to despair
unless I mold them into wisdom.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
AWE
Too great the earth and sky,
Too amazing each man and woman and child
Too much the rapture to be contained
in my fragile bag of skin
without You to encompass it all for me,
A God to contain my awe.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
The growth of thorns and underbrush
Wild roses and raspberries
round my muscles and ligaments
the bloom of dawn in my blood
the inhalation of evening in the hollow
chambers of my heart and the gray matter of my brain
Under the snore of a clouded horizon
all manner and demeanor of wind and weather
rises up from my loins
I am the sun as it ignites my neurons
the earth which builds the cellular membranes
the day and the night my consciousness
I am this life and it devours me.
Cold, like a heavy cream
coats the day
like a dream
distorts
the heart
yields a warning
stay alert!
To lie against ambitions,
to slumber in procrastination
promises a quiet death
stealth death
cold death
like a delusion curdled and sour.
Today my dreams will be new,
thickened through with pagan fantasies
with the odor of rough-hewn wood
and straw baskets
decorated with space and light.
I listen for the voices of drums
and find it is the beating of my soul.
I am wonder-struck through with lust for You
stare straight into the face of existence to find You
Search the map of my heart for an undiscovered sea
in which to drown in You.
In this darkness
I will strike a light
for another
and it’s glow
will warm my soul
.
BOLDLY
I step into the day
release the guardians of my heart
go forth raw and naked
Tears, the sweat of my heart,
can flow as they may
Joy, the power of my heart
can flow as it may.
Love, the substance of my heart,
can flow as it may.
Boldly
I step into the stream of the day
release the guardians
the fetters
the reticence
of my heart
and let my life flow as it may.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
HEALING
Not succumbing to fear
I will patiently silence the dogs guarding the door to my soul.
Some wounds are so deep
they must be found
to be healed.
In celluloid and sin
I will pardon confusion
in video with vice
I will forgive delusion
in the novelistic metaphors
of sorrows and of frights
I will understand the search for a solution
II these artifices of art
that assault and confound me
I will find a place to heal my heart
Searching among the embers
lending them my breath
I will turn ashes to fire.
Where love is weak, undernourished and fragile
each breath give me joy in the endeavor
so my heart may warm others
my light mingle with theirs.
We are the beacon fire on the he hill
stronger, brighter, more visible to others
to offer sanctuary and safety and comfort
when we join with one another.
ALL MUSLCLES GIVE OUT WITH TIME
To relax the grip and grasp of the hand
it’s nature is to open
and when open to receive
the hand of another.
To live is to let go
by letting go I receive the blessings of life.
To relax the wanting and fearing of the heart
it’s nature is to open
and when open to receive
the hearts of others.
To love is to let go
by letting go I receive the blessing of love.
To empty the names and conceptions of the Divine
it’s nature is to reveal
and when I am open receive
I encounter the Divine.
To empty myself is to let go
by letting go I receive the blessings of the Divine.
I must be blind to see
silent to speak
without thought to think
without feeling to feel
the Truth.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lead me not in the search
Give me strength to go blindly forward
Do not make me too sure of you Beloved
Give me courage to loose everything to reveal You there waiting for me with open arms
____________________
The winds in my lunges
the spectrum of a rainbow refracted in my eyes
the vibration of the cosmos echoing in my ears
the fragrance of spring’s first breath
the orgasm of crushed stardust against my skin
the taste of life on my tongue
I am the sudden rapture of all existence crammed into a fragile box of flesh
----------------------------------------------------------------------
I fill my heart with gratitude for all things that have passed
I pledge mindful service to all things present
I accept infinite responsibility for all things of the future
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The frost bitten creamsicle light of winter dusk
winds waiting to lick the chill to blue
stunned deeply by the season
snow wanders between earth and sky confusing the two
so much silence fills my mind
I can listen to Your whispering.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
OLDER THAN 16
Where are the locker-lined halls crammed with expectations
a confusion of fear and fearlessness?
Where are the awkward smiles, awkward hearts, hear-felt wishes for the future?
Flesh-bags bursting with dreams
bumping like bubbles into authority and freedom
I sort through my dreams once well dreamt
and honor them with the conviction that with age
dreams can become even stronger.
------------------------------------------------------------------
Eyes cast into the flames
thoughts like leaves caught up in a wind devil
laughter that comes from the eyes
the strange pathways of gray matter that link person to person
My heart’s creaking lays open the night and I await in awe the universe to take me.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
As many days are spent
stricken by awe
seeking sanctuary from wonder,
this day with senses split open,
I will
let my naked heart quiver
at Your presence in the World.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Rises on the horizon, my demise-
Moon-like, serene, luminous, inevitable
the passing of all things
I take comfort in impermanence
each sob and giggle
each hard frost and daffodil
and I pause to reflect on
and reflect back
the beauty of my demise
some day beyond the horizon.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Where is the night without the banshee howl of doubt
the cry of stars collapsing so tightly
they suck in all hope of light’s escape?
When is the dawn
and who will announce it’s blue as deep as the blood hidden inside us?
Who will articulate the exchange of deep for expansive?
Who will instruct us in the ways
to open eyes and let go the dreams?
I Wait for Your touch to raise me from my fear
I listen for Your words to clean my ignorance
I dive down into myself to find You.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How distant, lost in dimming stars, collapse of stellar furnaces, the eyes of night.
How sunken into the eternity of thought the pupils spun in darkness
what muscle the gray/green/blue/brown iris to enclose so tightly such secrets revealed only in the curvature of a glance
a desire askance the tender rim
almost sore, faintly red
as length of a lash, closing of an eyelid
is all that holds us apart.
No matter the depth of darkness, the deception of darkness,
the secrets of darkness,
the sun will rupture and reveal
explode, implore, explore,
and we will all be trembling with delight in the presence of a Unitary Universe.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
I must create distance from others
but like two strings on the harp of the universe
let your pain set my heart vibrating with compassion.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Deep-heart tears
like lulling consonants
cried in moans
missing You.
Essence of all existence
arrive not in a sheer moment
torn with ecstasies and trembling pupils,
Swoon not with clang of sky
and deep hurt of earth moan.
Creep into my hours like
the lapping of time on my shores
the light traversing the cosmos to my sight.
Be not a flash of lighting through the darkness of my mind,
but the continuum of my breathing.
Indeed
when sun in chunks
falls through my eyes
when moon crumbles
and dust slides into my lunges,
deep body-longing sorrow
collides with ragged edges
of dreams
and I call out to You,
yearning on the far side
of commotion
to be the salve
the lotion
for unnamed wounds.
----------------------------------------------------------------
Avoidance caught on
a taught high tension wire,
look to the sky where a bird
laces together the sunlight,
where fantasies chuckle together,
blue is unbearably blue,
sun and moon share the hours
and their radiance.
Ears trembling with
a traffic jam of thoughts
lie back and look to the sky.
God,
let me know you believe in me
that I may aspire to know you.
Blow long on the embers of my faith
burn open all portals of doubt
seer me with courage
to step out onto the hot coals of a world
where nothing is certain
and the heat wavers my vision.
May my feet be planted on the finite
my head rise to the infinite
my body a beacon shinning
between two worlds.
Fierce be my love of life
monstrous my desire for truth
relentless my courage
my heart wide open.
When conviction clamps my mind
I will ask why five times
and the answer will always be the mystery of God.
Will you carry my bruised soul
on your shoulders
when I am too weak to step into oblivion?
In this hoar frost of times
these days of molten spirit
when I, like a bubble, am
hurled against the thorns of despair
my heart heavy
and sinking
and crying out to You
I ask for strength to do Your Will
I petition for serenity
but only it find what truly matters
I ask for wisdom
but only to know Your love.
I need You, the source of all being,
to cradle me in Your arms
and let the universe be the lullaby
whispered in my dreams.
When my mind is humid
with thoughts of loneliness
Dry me to the bone
with the ferocity of Your love.
Spinning round
still me God
Turn me round
to a path I may follow
or towards the ocean’s endless waves
_____________________________________________________________________-
Oh friend, oh loved one
come now to rest within my heart
as I prepare a resting place for myself
within the hearts of others
So still
in umber earth
my soul
would grow deep
into Thee
and heart laid bare,
beat given up to trembling,
would see
Light in all eyes.
I pray
to slay
my silly doubts
put out
all sorts of angry voices
Listen to silent sermons
heed inner commands
give up divide
and opposition
and separation
to grow deep and tall,
at one with Thee.
When the moon rises in the
corner of my eyes
night adorns my soul
as wind rushes away my breath
and windchimes strain to untangle
my thoughts in it’s melody and song
I resolve, weary, yet I do resolve
to maintain the moment and let
loose the visions of future days
and new ways
this night, oh God, I seek sanctuary in the moment
my head at rest
on the beating of the universe.
You give me dawn to
belittle night’s terrors
and reveal the underpinnings
of exhaustion so hope may rise
like a bird’s song
to mornings fresh dew
_______________________________________________-
Between the contrasts of night’s
deep dark
and days expanse of light
give to me the subtlety of dawn
to level my passions
________________________________________-
Placing words of God gently on my heart
thoughts of God laid on my crisp heart
murmuring prayers and candle light shuddering
upon my heart
may the pressure of my need break open my heart
the words of God, the thoughts of God,
the prayers and actions for God,
sink down into my heart now open wide
to the heart of universe.
Oh heart of mine
hectic heart
crusted with tears
words of God alight
and crush my fears
oh heart of mine
break apart and open wide
to abiding calm
clear, still source of all
___________________________________________________________
For the sake of symmetry:
of wet and glistening eye,
of shadows nesting in the corners of the mouth,
the blush rising from within to color luminous skin,
I am befuddled, bemused,
confounded and amazed up to the stars and back.
Reveal me
within the flesh, the gesture and askance and sigh of another
Reveal me
in the deed done and undone
by the lunging of my heart
Reveal me
in seed and flower asway on day gray or mottled with green light
Reveal me
in stone and cry, dirt and art
Reveal me to myself
in all things
Reveal me
in You.
________________________________________________________________________
On the precipice of night,
I not knowing, not certain,
the wind abounds
and sings throughout the chambers of my heat.
I tingle deeply with the vibrating song of You
in my soul.
So where is night, and where is dusk and dawn and daybreak but carried to me by the wind?
I hear you rattling around in my thoughts
liked wind chimes tuned to a minor scale
setting all without and within to sway.
I tingle with the vibration of this song
and long
to hear the full glory of Your music
muffled by this flesh.
I am so moved, so touched,
so filled with the odor of joy and sorrow and joy…
And were I to step beyond
I trust you,
Great Wind to carry me,
to lift me
support me, sustain me
a feather resting on Your back.
I wept below the snow line
where my tears no longer froze,
where once again I could feel heat within
as I watched a flower grow.
I prayed beside a river
serenity in on lips, pressed between my hands.
But what good tears or prayers
when one is drowning?
Better to dive in and pull my soul to shore
and find that it was You all along.
The erosion of hours
the demise of stars
the squiggling of a worm through dark earth
soft season and hard frosts
wailing and giggles
sore sunsets salved with deep blue:
may all these things and more
give pause to
draw my wandering, unruly attention
tugging it, nudging it back
to find myself in the dark
the silence
the abiding calm
deep in Your embrace.
I will not wait for the noble cause
to clamor at my door,
to grab me by the back of the collar
and drag me off to victory.
I will not let the noble cause be lost
because I could not fight great battles.
I will let You push me gently but persistently along
until Your cause is won.